Withdrawals

I have an addiction of sorts. It's kinda hard to explain but when I get my 'fix', life feels great, like a little piece of heaven. So before any of you get too concerned its what Keila calls 'bebe smell'. When we bottle feed Elias I nestle him close to my left shoulder upright and rest my chin on his head. I breath in his scent as he settles into the rhythm of eating. He stops to look at me if anything distracts me from this and will even holler as if to say, "Mama, we need this time!"

And he's right, I do need that time. It's a time to just be prsesent, to smell that baby smell of sweet slightly sour milk and to feel the silky warmth of an infant's body. It refreshes me, helps me remember that it's all worth it and everything is so temporary. It was my consolation when he could no longer nurse.

At last, I am being weaned to only one dose a day. Elias has acquired some new head gear that should help with the shaping of his head as well as his muscles since it becomes easy to favor certain muscles when you have a tendency to lay to one particular side.

Elias is always a trooper and only sighs rather deeply when we put it on. He was back to Mr. Bobble-head initially and would tire rather easily. I've been amazed at how hard he works to build up his strength and now it's as if he doesn't have it at all. No whining on his part, he just accepts and gets to work.

Me, on the other hand, I feel like I need to be in a padded room. I can't stand that I can't easily kiss his cheeks or rub his little faux hawk or nuzzle his head. It's hard when I feel that I'm limited in how I show him my affection. Hopefully the needed shaping will occur quickly and when it's through he will still love having me breath in his baby fine hair. In the meantime I need to learn to be more like him, just accept it and work to fine another way for our special time.

Initially thought of printing labels for him like "stuntman in training" or "shoot me out of a canon!" but he is cute as he is. He's nearly sitting on his own now. We're so proud of our little man.