36 Weeks!

Baby girl is officially 36 weeks and given the meds are no longer stopping contractions, we began our prep for her coming. I desperately needed a pedicure, who doesn't want to see cute toes after not seeing them for so long! Keila can always use some girl time so we went together and enjoyed the pampering. She loved the massage chair and especially the flowers with the link center jewels on her big toes.

Thereafter we went out for our customary dim sum lunch and after a much needed nap Isaac and I played a few games together. It was a wonderfully relaxing Saturday as a family which was exactly what we needed. Coming off the Niphedipine really showed because later that night (or early Sunday morning) the contractions were extremely painful and coming every 10 mins. I was a little concerned as baby girls movements seemed erratic, so we called someone over and went in to the hospital to monitor her. She's doing just fine though, her heartbeat was regular, but with every contractions she was pushing back with all her might - which only induced more contractions! I have a sneaking feeling I have a little spitfire girl by the ways my belly distorted in all sorts of unimaginable ways.

Since then I've dropped even further, enough that the ultrasound tech can't get a clear shot of her face, including her eyes, she's just too far down. The concern is now more about my bones spreading too far apart, a dislocations of sorts if you will (known as SPD or leading to diastasis symphysis pubis). The acetaminophen keeps the worst of the pain at bay and I'm exhausted by night. We're ready for her but some things just can't be rushed. Until then, I learn patience - something I was never very good at anyhow, and keep the perspective that great pain can bring great joy - spiritually, mentally and oh my gosh, yes physically! :)

The last face shot of her a week ago. Have to wonder if she'll really come out with such pouty Angelina Jolie lips.

Sharing Down Syndrome Walk 2014

Some things in life are worth some pain! Due to our many doctor appointments we knew baby girl had dropped and I was fully effaced but not dilated. With the Down Syndrome walk being just a week from my 36 week mark (when it would be safe for baby girl to come) we decided to go. I've paid for it since, but I have no regrets in going. The kids were so excited to celebrate Eli and all he brings to our family that they fought to push his stroller into the Diablo stadium. I set up camp in my chair while they wandered and enjoyed the treats and games. I visited with other moms and families.

Our primary care physician, Dr Vargas was awarded for his work with kids with DS. The Larsen family, my first contact when we found out Eli's diagnosis, referred him and also presented him the award. He really has been a great doctor, so willing to take the time to address all our concerns and whats more, his knowledge at the clinic has made all the doctors there among some of the best by those parents who have consistantly recommended Cactus Childrens Clinic for their special needs kids.

A shot of all those waiting for the walk. Wish I could have done it with them, next year!

Eli's newest shirt: My extra chromosome makes me extra cute! What I really wanted was one of the Keep Calm It's Only and Extra Chromosome shirt but they didn't have them in his size. Still this is fitting for my little man. With the field so empty Kent let Eli have the freedom in running about as he pleased. I'm glad he did, but it sure wore him out keeping up with him. I barely got this shot of him as is!

While the field was empty, Kent and the kids took the time to enjoy some of the games. This was the first year I've ever seen Eli really participate after watching someone else try. He seemed to really enjoy it and so good for his social development. Anything with a ball or some water was a winner for him!

It was unusually hot and humid so we hung around the water getting iced down literally on and off. Isaac recieved full permission to spray us with his newly won prize.

It was such a fun morning for our whole family! Extra sciatic pain and contractions can't take these memories from me. I'm so glad we could celebrate our little professor and our family and all it's adventures!

32 Weeks

So we've reached the 32 week mark and its been eventful/ non eventful depending on how you look at it. Preterm contractions started three weeks ago and have been particularly bad in the evenings so I moved to partial bed rest which means I sit - and sit, and sit for much of the day (hence the uneventful part)it's a hard thing for me to do. My sanity as a mother is found in exercising, getting outta least once in the day so I can see other people besides my little ones. With both these outlets closed to me I found I had a few emotional days that was beginning to take its toll on the whole family. In addition baby girl keeps dropping which means sciatic pain and poor circulation with daily leg cramps.

Mothers really are a barometer for the family and I realized that if I could not find a way of releasing the building pressure, it would be hard on everyone. So kent and I agreed to take acetaminophen and Niphedipine as needed, one day I would spend slowly doing the things I use to do (grocery shopping, cooking, library runs, etc) and then the following two days would be spent in the quiet of home with my feet up. It's really helped me to feel a lot more positive and we are all much happier as a family.

We recently had an ultrasound of Baby Girl. She's strong and from measurements about in the 60th percentile in size and weight. We've never had much luck with the 3D ultrasounds. All the kiddos hide their faces from us and baby 4 wasn't any different. She had her face smushed into the placenta using like a pillow. It made kent and I laugh, it explains why all our kids love doing that when they sleep, blankets pressed up to their noses as they're rub cheeks into the softness. When the ultrasound tech heard this was our fourth, she was determined to get a face shot for us and had me changing all sorts of positions and jiggling things around. Little girl was not pleased and kicked feet and arms in protest but she did finally turn her head and this is what we got!

It's so fun to see her little face. Not too much longer, another 4 weeks and baby girl will be safe to come!

Another School Year and Trimester

School has begun and while this Mama loves her kids, I was doing a dance of joy the morning of the 11th! You can always tell when summer nears its end, the amiability of the older two is sorely tested to the point where the mere sound of the opposing sibling will generate screaming and yelling until they are banished to their rooms to sulk and stomp their feet.

Isaac started first grade and was happy to see old friends from last year. He tested into a more advanced class and I'm excited to see the connections he'll make to others as well as the chance for his sponge like brain to soak up learning elsewhere. Here he is at the front door and at the school. Apparently they do a 'tunnel of hope' where parents cheer the kiddos as they walking in the first day. I missed it last year but managed to catch it on camera this time.

I love that you can see Keila peering through the window! She doesn't start preschool for another 2 weeks.

As for me, I've begun the third trimester! Currently I'm 29 weeks and feeling it. Baby has dropped further and contractions have started again and I find myself waking at night, the uterus hard as a rock and having difficulty breathing easily. I've been told to take it easy and monitor it. How one takes it easy when you have three children (two doing differing therapies) makes me laugh! I move slowly now like I'm a 90yr old with back issues. im seriously considering getting a walker of sorts and i have to laugh at the funny looks Eli gives me as i chose to slide bottom down the stairs while supporting him walking down. the days are much simpler but by 7pm I'm on the couch in a prone position. I see the doctor next week and I'm sure I'll be put on Niphedipine again, we just need to make it to 36 weeks....and stay sane! Wish me luck!

Speaking of Eli, the little man continues to amaze me in his progress. It's as the therapists all said, once he got walking down, many other area jumped ahead. One day out of the blue he began signing 'help' and 'down' clearly, he also makes the 'da' and 'na' sounds and will initiate signing to us when he wants something, particularly music. He was almost obsessive with the Frozen soundtrack which was fatiguing on many levels so we created his own Bubby playlist of more contemporary music. He LOVES dancing and listening to it and can often be found dragging the iPad to us, signing music and then tossing it our lap. I can rarely resist his eager smile and love watching him dance his little heart out.

We've also been working hard to help him in his independence. We practice helping him get dress on his own and he can be found doing it on any clothing left out by others. We work on washing our hands at the sink properly which he enjoys a lot - perhaps a little too much. One morning I found he had climbed into the sink and washed much more than his hands. After cleaning him up, new clothes and diaper I began working on the bathroom only to hear water running again. He had climbed into my bathtub and decided to try again. I swear I need to put a cow bell on him so I can keep track of his antics!

Here he is working on his feeding skills. His upper core and shoulders lack strength, you see it as he raises his shoulders to use his fork but despite that he does okay. Obviously he thinks he deserves a break!

Life at Twenty-six Weeks

I'm at twenty six weeks now. Time is flying and I've been grateful for these last few good weeks where I've been able to get things done in preparations for the new one. Isaac and Eli are settled into their newly painted room and bunkbed and loves the pink on her walls and we've begun a small stock of times baby girl will need when she first arrives.

Just like with all the others, she's riding really low. The notorious Braxton- Hicks contractions have begun and while not typically painful, they are when they last for 5-10 mins and occur 3-4 times in a hour. Thankfully they've only been in the evening but its a clear sign to me to start slowing down. It's just as well, the fatigue has begun to set in again. The kids have begun talking to baby in the hopes she'll respond to them but she seems to prefer being Thumperoo late at night and in the wee hours of the morning.

Feeling huge already! The picture is courtesy of Keila who is forever begging to use the camera on the phone.

We've managed some fun as a family even with my growing size and fatigue. The other weekend we decided to give the Glendale recreation center a try and had some fun in their water park. Isaac loved the lazy river and even attempted the slides (height being more of an issue rather than the slide itself). Keila was happy to have either parent wonder her side as she swam like a mermaid from place to place. The stimulus was a little much for Eli but after 45 min or so, he adjusted and would take his time wading out to the deeper water to jump for a bit and then wander back out.

Isaac felt all grown up the other day as he purchased his first set of Pokemon cards. He carefully selected each quarter and dollar he felt 'less attached' to spend and estimated that $3 would be sufficient for his small purchase. He was thoroughly disappointed though when he discovered the cheapest set of 11 cards was $4.99. I declared it a rip off, explained the term and he quickly agreed. We talked further about whether or not he wanted to spend that much and then I had to regretfully tell him that he would have to pay tax as well. "Why does the government get money for my pokemon cards?" Was asked multiple times. I tried my best to explain but wasn't very successful. His reply, "Wow, the government must be powerful to take my money for Pokemon cards - and busy!"

Library fun is a must in our crazy hot summer months! Isaac has gotten to the point where he can read fairly well on his own and its nice for him to take over that duty with Keila, especially when it comes to all thing Pokemon!

Keila also attended a birthday party for her 'BEST friend' Mona from Stepping Stones. She is such a reserved girl and so very possessive of her friends that its hard to for her to find someone who fits, but she and Mona have been inseperable all last year. Although Keila was shy and quiet upon seeing her again, her expressions of affection really showed her heart about this little friend.

It is a frequent ritual every night that the kids wrestle Kent before bed. At first it would frighten Eli and if things got a little too rambunctious he'd start to cry. Nowadays he is the one to initiate it, growling, attacking in his cute little way and getting everyone else not it. I caught this shot the other night amid all the fun but late Kent admitted he was getting too old for it. I told he couldn't stop yet, we have the fourth on the way who would want in on all the fun as soon as she was able. His reply came in the form of a groan! Ah the fun we have ahead of us!

20 Weeks

I'm halfway!!! How quickly time flys and it's even faster now that I can finally eat again and not sleep like the dead! I had been so blue the months before and I hadn't realized how much those two things had affected me until these last few weeks. It's been exciting to have the energy to paint the boys room and start planning the girls room. Swim team and Isaac's birthday has been a fun and busy diversion and of couse the ultrasound this last weekend was a major highlight.

We went as a whole family and while the images were hard to distinguish at first, the kiddos soon caught on. Especially when we got a good shot of her little legs and feet. "Cutie toes!" Was the exclamation and as if in response, baby girl kicked her feet away and the tech had to go chasing them around my belly to get another shot and measument of the bones. In fact any time the ultrasound tech would go in to do some measurements, I could feel her shift and curl inward as if to say, "don't touch me! It's squishy enough in here without you poking around!"

Keila was fascinated by the process and held my hand through the whole procedure. She wanted to know if it hurt me or her sister, and if baby would respond to touch would she respond to her voice. She was disappointed to hear that it would take some time yet, but I assured her she could have many long chats with her later. Even now there are moments she will just stop and gently rest her hand on my belly or lean in tenderly. Clearly this baby girl is someone she has longed for and missed for a long time. Here's a side profile of the little gal.

Can't wait to see the little gal!

18 Weeks

Hallelujah! I've finally had one whole week without major nausea and fatigue! I'm officially 18 weeks now and it's hard to believe that in two more weeks I'll be half way! I'm afraid between the 2 1/2 hours of daily napping and 10 hour sleeps at night I had very little time or energy for blogging. Kent and I joked about me becoming narcoleptic because the moment the kids were in bed and I could just sit on the couch, I was out cold. It was lovely though to wake up in the mornings to see my wonderful husband clean the kitchen for me. I'm grateful to finally be back to some more regular hours and the house looks a little less chaotic.

The old ultra sound photo from 11 weeks

The nausea went hand in hand with the fatigue and it was rather depressing not to take comfort in food. I'd take the time to cook easy meals (went through an especially Japanese/Asian phase) and would only be able to eat a bite or two before I'd have to leave the table and distract myself from the heaving motions of my stomach. On a side note the kids and hubby loved chicken katsu and i finally figured out the missing ingredient to my miso soup. My weight dropped at least 10 lbs below my per-pregnancy weight. This week I've been satisfied to see it start rising again and everyone is happy that strawberries and ice cream no longer give me the shakes!

While the kiddos went through a round of sharing fevers I took some time to add a splash or two to some cheap maternity finds and was rather pleased with the results.


We've been discussing names as a family. Of course the kids are giving all sorts of silly names, such as ladybug, toothless, polka dot, etc. I tried to drive home the point of it being something she wouldn't get teased over by saying ",if we name her ladybug someone might want to put her in a jar" or, " if we call her polka dot, people might poke her dots!" Keila finally understood and suggested the name Emily. Hopefully now we'll get better input when we bring up the subject.

Belly shot at 18 weeks.

It hit Kent and I that we really only have 6 months to get everything in place. We need to move the boys to a smaller room and get bunk beds. I shudder to think of adjusting Eli to a big boy bed and the freedom afforded him with his 6am wake ups. A nutty part of me wants to paint the girls room pink with my new found energy so at least one of my children will have a room finished when they come into this world. Ah, so much to do and with time passing too quickly. In two weeks we do our ultrasound, the first chance the kiddos have of seeing their sibling. The excitement mounts!

Baby #4 ..... Is A ....?

Keila has always insisted she has a baby sister. Even after Eli was born, her pictures at preschool would show an added person with large head, long hair with a tiny torso. When asked about it she would consistently state it was her baby sister. Needless to say, this pregnancy had revived all dreams of this phantom sister and most times shed adamantly state it was a girl, there were moments of doubt and in those moments she was quick to vocalize her feelings if she should be fated with another brother. "Heavenly Father better give me a baby sister or I'm going to be super, duper mad at him! I WON'T love the baby unless its a girl!" And the list goes on and on. At her more humble moments she'd say she would prayer for a baby sister.

Kent and I didn't really care at this point except for how her response might be should she be surprised by the baby's gender at birth. My last major blood test screened for trisomys via Fetal DNA shed into the mothers bloodstream. It is controversial and quite new (only a year or so) but it was required due to my geriatric gravida (old age pregnancy) and our history with Eli's birth. More of piece of mind for my obgyn and our insurance, I think. Anyhow, the gender is also able to be determined and I asked for it without too much ceremony. If keila needed to grieve, it ought to be sooner rather than later, for all our sakes!

I came home in in a serious voice informed her the doctor said she would have a baby sister. She tilted her head to the side as she registered the news and then a grin spread across her face. She jumped up and hugged me yelling," I've always wanted one of those!!" And cheered.

This was our very first picture of our little gal back at the beginning of April. I'm currently 16 weeks along and scheduled for another ultrasound so we'll have an updated picture soon.

So perhaps she's known all along and in which case we've had fair warning that there would be a fourth child. Now begins the fun of the name game and I can begin shopping for all the items we gave away. It some ways it's nice to know its a girl .... they're ever so much more fun to shop for than boys!

I Have an Announcement ....

If you like foreign films, there's one called Eat, Drink, Man, Woman. I love it for all the authentic Chinese food you see it in and because all throughout the movie the most shocking of announcements are made at the weekly family dinner. Well, I too have one of my own .... We are expecting our fourth child.

I'm still picking myself off the floor so don't worry if you're having troubles too! The irony is that I thought I was beginning menopause but apparently not. Trust me, we checked twice.

It obviously wasn't in our plan, but I'm sure The Lord has something else in mind for us. For years Keila has insisted that she has a baby sister, even after Elias was born, so perhaps she is right. In the meantime we are hoping this fatigue and nausea will pass quickly. Half of me is already worried about the baby dropping early and preterm labor, a pattern that has worsen with each pregnancy. I've been so busy with the three now .... But then again I'm grateful that we are no longer poor starving students (not rich mind you, but definately not starving!)and so if need be I think we can hire some help. Kent jokingly asked what I would do if we found we were having twins - not laughing folks - I told him I'd needed to work on having faith I can handle a fourth first!

Elias Tien Yeuk Montierth

Sunday morning of the 25 of March I began having contractions in 10 min intervals. I really didn't pay much attention to it, after all, I'd been having them all week long. I'd love to say that I was still as positive as before, but I was rather worn from the pain and found myself often near to tears in that 36th week worried about how much of me (mentally and emotionally) would be left when the time came for this little one to come. The Lord knows me well and within minutes I felt a little gush - my water had broke. Apparently you're suppose to go to the hospital immediately when this happens, but perhaps due to it being a new experience for me and also a little pride, I was afraid to rush in only to be told I had peed on myself. ;0) So I dilly dallied about, waking up Kent and the kids until I could be certain it wasn't an overactive bladder!

I called a friend who came over got the kids dressed and ready for church. It was nice knowing that it would be a 'normal' day for them. (Can you tell I have control issues?!) We got to the hospital around 10 (3 hrs after my water broke) but my body was being contrary and contractions had slowed down. The doctor on call gave me the option of waiting to see if my body would go of it's own accord or inducing. I hadn't had much in the way of sleep so we opted to wait for and hour or two and I dozed quietly on the bed. At 12:30pm we got the 'party started' with an epidural and pitocin. Interestingly enough, our nurse and anesthesiologist were the same ones we had with Keila. Unfortunately something funky happened this time and my entire right leg was so numb you could have stuck a knife in it while my left side had me crying in pain. The monitors were off somehow and not registering anything so Kent was rather puzzled by my gasps of pain but when the tears started rolling he was pretty testy with the lack of response from the nurse's station to his call. I was checked and fully dilated. I was given the option of a higher dose on the epidural or trying to push though I hadn't felt that sensation yet. I was so ready, get this baby outta me! so one test push moved kiddo #3 down and our nurse was calling the doctor to get ready to catch!

At exactly 2:45pm he was born. It was love at first cry! He was small compared to my other ones, only 6 lbs 5 ounces and he was beautiful. Such long piano fingers and a tiny sharp chin, Elias Tien Yeuk Montierth was here.


Face to face at last! Who could not love such a precious bundle from heaven!


I like to call this his tryout for a part in a Dr. Seuss movie!


Isaac and Keila adored him the moment they met him. Keila has never been one for dolls, let alone being gentle with other babies, but she and Isaac were so tender and loving, it made me gush with warmth inside.

Welcome to our beautiful family and our crazy little world Elias. We love you!

35 Weeks

Please bear in mind the following as I relate my appointment results from today. My doctor is a very professional man who's been practicing for over 17 years. We've known him for years, he knows Kent, asks about him, knows of our religious beliefs and family situation. He's been there for all of my miscarriages and pregnancies and I could not want for a more patient, helpful obgyn. So I must say I was rather startled today when he swore out loud upon finding kiddo #3 hang so low. Clearly this was the explanation for how displaced my bones are and the obvious pain that goes with it. I've begun having muscle spasms more frequently as well as swelling increases since nothing is where it ought to be. As of this Friday, I will be officially 36 weeks and he gave me full permission to stop all medication and let the baby come. He wished for my sake that he could induce me, but due to Medicated and Medicare cuts the hospitals are on shoestring staff and nothing is allowable until after 40 weeks. He did offered a number of suggestions as to how to get the ball naturally rolling so he isn't worried in the least. So here is my list of things I'm grateful for for this week:

1. I have an end visibly in sight. While there's not an exact day, with things so in position to go, Kent and I can plan to some degree.

2. Next week is Spring Break for Isaac. There will be no worries about schedules or activities beyond the ones we elect for and that is one less thing to think about.

3. Kent has already enough time off and has even received permission for FMLA is needed. With so many people out of town and no family nearby this truly makes difference, especially since all of our babies were hospitalized a few days after again due to jaundice issues.

4. The kids continue to find ways to entertain themselves. Kent caught this picture of Isaac with a self made kite running his tail off in the backyard to get it to fly. I have such good kids!



If I can have it my way, the next few posts will be all about our newest addition!

34 Weeks

I'm not too sure how I feel about my cervix being dubbed the Rock of Gibraltar, but that's how the doctor feels. No more dilation but this child could not sit any lower. The doctor has offered certain sleeping pills to help and on and off I take a small dose of acetaminophen when the pain it too much. Unfortunately the niphedipine that is used to stop contractions is causing swelling in my arms and legs - a whole new experience for me. I've decided chubby hands and feet ought to be left to toddlers and babies, it's definitely NOT cute on any adult!

1. I'm grateful this week that my other pregnancies were a piece of cake in comparison. The symptoms so common to other women were absent or minimal in my other pregnancies. I suppose I can look on this as giving me greater empathy. Don't you wish empathy could be learned in a less painful way?! ;0)

2. I'm grateful for computers and the Internet. I don't know how I would keep my children well occupied without it, let alone myself. I feel rather cut off stuck in my home for so many hours of the day. I've never been one to call people often, but the emails, facebook contact, etc help to ease the loneliness. In addition Isaac has really grown to love reading on a whole different level. It's one things to sound out words with mom, but another when it's done in a game. I love PBS kids.org and especially Word World and Super Why. Keila has also jumped leaps and bounds with her knowledge of the ABCs. The school district in our area uses Starfall.com and she loves looking up the different letters and hearing the sounds. Best of all she's begun pointing them out whenever she sees them.



3. I'm grateful for a small house. It's funny, but there is so much less cleaning and no matter where I'm stuck, the kids always hear my voice and I always hear what's going on.

4. I'm grateful for work. There is so very little I can do nowadays without setting off contractions (with our without the niphedipine) that I've come to realize there is much to be said for how work helps an individuals self esteem, no matter how menial. At the end of the day it's nice to be able to say you've accomplished something and now I've learned to make those measurements in other ways. I still have cravings for my Chinese food, so I've learned to be happy when I can cut up veggies one day, cut up and marinate the meat on another and finally cook it all together on another day. My pace is so much slower, but I can do something which is a whole lot better than nothing.

The weeks and days are dreadfully long, but they are passing. Just a few more days and I'll be in the safe zone. I laugh (and cry) at the ironic thought that this kiddo will go to full term. Whatever it be, at least I know he'll be at his best in only a few more days.

33 Weeks

In keeping with my goal of maintain a positive outlook on our situation, here is my list of blessings for Week 33 of the pregnancy

1. I always forget how low a baby can drop until I feel aches and bruises in areas I never knew existed. The latest report from is that Kiddo #3 has dropped lower and it's a wonder (and a miracle)to the doctor that I'm not dilating further. The baby is doing just fine and so 'snug' in his place that we need not worry about him being breach. Kent teases me and says this may be the shortest birth of the 3 since all I need do is dilate completely and the kid will just drop out!

2. Isaac and Keila are awesome at clean up time! Forts are made daily in our home and no room or movable furniture is safe with the exception of the hallway and my bedroom. With it comes blankets and boxes, bedsheets and pillows strewed over every conceivable thing and I cannot begin to number the styles of 'homes' that have been created. It fills their time well and they really understand now that whatever they create, they have to put away. They've also learned to clean up right the first time and to do so cooperatively. Isaac directs Keila with hauling the boxes back to their rightful places while he folds blankets and lifts the heavier items. They're quite the team and I'm proud of them.

I didn't have the heart to have him take it apart so we'd have chairs at the table to eat so here they are enjoying lunch in their own home.


3. So grateful for the homemade meals that fill my freezer and my body and soul. I've tucked away a few recipes now that I can't wait to make myself once things are back to normal.

4. The presence of pain has a way of making you grateful for when it's not there. So I'm expressing gratitude that much of my pregnancy has been painless and I cannot wait till after this little one is born. Yes, I know I will be sleep deprived, but it will only be fatigue unaccompanied by constant pain. Perhaps that's the little ticket that will make the adjustment to 3 children seem much easier. Oh, and don't forget that I'll be thrilled to be able to take Motrin once again!

If I can hold out, just 3 more weeks, then we'll know things are safe for this little one.

Contracts and Contractions in Motherhood

I don't think there's a more intense psychology session than motherhood. There's something about the process of having a child that digs deep down into you being and makes you think and feel deeper than before. During that process you find yourself seeing the effects of guilt,unfulfilled needs, just plain weaknesses. On the other hand there is the power of forgiveness, the willingness to change and most of all, love that can make changes as big as tidal waves or are the gentle ripples that peacefully carry you through life.

All these thoughts are not only the result of pregnancy hormones, but a more difficult pregnancy than I have experienced so far. The latest news from the doctor was a little disheartening. Despite slowing down ( no more carrying Keila, chores, cooking, mostly sitting or laying) I have begun dilating. The little guy has dropped some more and there are just too many contractions and they hold for far too long. After our OB Triage visit one night, Dr. DeSalvo put me on nifedipine to calm the uterus down. The drug itself is actually a blood pressure medication which has been shown to be the most helpful with preterm contractions. Unfortunately I already have very low blood pressure so it leaves me rather woozy headed but it works enough that I can actually sit upright with relatively few contractions.

The other night I was overwhelmed with guilt. The guilt that comes as you watch your husband finish a 10 hr day rush home to heat a sad meal, feed the kids, bath them and proceed to clean the house. There's the weight of watching my other little ones beg and plead to be held or for Mama to come and play. Inevitably there are fits and tantrums, expression of boredom, lack of understanding and the hurt that comes with it. It's hard to lay there and feel like you're really taking care of something when there are needs physically and literally crying out for you. The worst part is that I find myself battling the effects of depression that begins to weigh down as I am truly helpless to do anything about the situation.

I was so grateful for the encouragement offered from a friend who went through this her entire pregnancy. She reminded me that children are much more resilient than we think and are ever so forgiving. My house, my work do not define me and that this is for a very definitive amount of time. In the end, we'll have a wonderful being to add to our home.

So to better help me keep perspective for the next few weeks I'm hoping to list some blessings I receive each week because of this contract I've signed on to have bring another little one into this world.

1. Angels come in the most common forms and are everything. I'm grateful to those who have simply called and said, "Hey, I'm bringing by a meal" or "I can take your kids for a few hours". Whether they knew it or not, they were inspired.

2. I'm grateful for a husband who understands my neurotic behavior with order and cleanliness. Despite long days of work, he tries hard to keep the house up and running with no complaint.

3. My children are loving the opportunity to be Mama's little helpers. I can ask Isaac to fetch anything for me and his instant reply, "Gladly Mama!" Keila's little feet patter after him as she yells, "I help too!" They're also learning more skills than I would have had them do before. While attempting to fix some baked cheese sandwiches I had to sit mid-contraction and watched as Isaac proudly buttered the bread. Keila's constantly yelling "Messy!" with the toys strewed all over the floor and picking it up to dump it into the appropriate room. They have a sense of pride in their accomplishments and truly feel needed by me.



I've been glad that I've kept my camera nearby along with a stack of books and my water bottle. This is a very focused boy spreading butter on his grilled cheese sandwich. Intense isn't it?



At lunch Keila insisted on being a big girl and shelling her own pistachios. She spent a great deal of time chasing ones that flipped all over the room but she was so proud of herself!

4. I have more snuggle and playtime than ever before. We play card games, puzzles, read books, watch movies and sometimes we just talk.

I've been a rather independent soul these last 10 years but being forced into dependency has brought it's own share of blessings. I'm grateful and humbled by that.

A New Found Love?

I've never been one to feel very artistic. Give me a piano and some music, that's different, but have me arrange a visual of some sort and I"m sure to break out in a sweat. From prior posts you'll know I put off the decorating around the house until something happens to push me into it. (like replacing carpet suddenly called for painting walls before the deed was done!) This time it was the prospect of a third child. Forget the 'having the nursery decorated' business before a little one arrives. I'm typically much to busy cleaning and stocking up food for the sleepless days ahead to think much about beautifying. So my children have never had a bedroom of their own until the other one came along. I must say that the idea of a girl's room is much more appealing and was much easier to do than for Isaac.

I wanted something that Keila wouldn't outgrow in just a few years, but still have a dreamy childlike feel. Of course we painted pink ....


Can't believe how ugly the color was before! Eck!

I initially had an elaborate idea of a garden scene complete with actual picket fenced walls and individually painted plants, animals, etc. Yeah ... just a little too much for me. I know my limitations and the guilt it would induce when I never got around to it all. So instead we opted for a tree.



I wanted a tree that wouldn't look too uniform but I was afraid to draw on the wall and be left with marks that I'd have to paint over. My friend recommended masking it out with tape, the perfect solution!



I painted some spring leaves and for the final touch glued some silk flowers.




To ensure the room would hold it's appeal for all kiddos, the final instalment will be the 'princess' tent, housing all animal great and small (please may we reclaim Keila's bed!) and offering a cosy alternate when Mama is far to tired of the couch cushions becoming the latest fort. May this be the source of much entertainment in the long sleepless days ahead! Given all the many happens lately, it may be a while before it's up unfortunately.

I must admit, I was rather daunted with the idea of painting a tree and all, but it turned out to be a lot of fun for me. There's something therapeutic about something slowly taking form by hand for all to see.