Utterly Insane and Committed!

So in keeping with my goal to overcome my fear of water, (see posted entitled 'Deep Waters') I've begun swimming in the mornings. Kent's gym gave a offer to sign up for free with a monthly fee of $30. I signed on and have been "swimming laps" in the 25m pool at 5:30 in the mornings everyday except the weekends for the last 3 weeks.

The quotation marks around "swimming laps" is because the first few days was spent just trying to finish a single lane without gasping for breath and having to roll over on my back to get to the end. I have since gained a greater reverence for the professional/team swimmer. They must have lungs the size of a whale's! I cannot imagine how they can swim that long without feeling like they're going to explode! I must admit I felt rather sheepish that I was so out of breath after all, I'd been running 3-4 miles regularly for months now. But then I began to notice that every time I hit the halfway mark (noted by some rungs leading out of the pool) I'd start to panic a little. It was the deepest part of the pool and psychologically gave me a little anxiety. I re mediated that by wrapping a noodle around my waist so I 'knew' I couldn't sink (not that I could really drown in 5 feet of water anyhow ... but you know, trick the brain ....) and tried again. This time I could go there and back 3 times before I was panting like a dog in the midday heat of Arizona. Aha! Success, I do have SOME lung capacity!

After a few days of using the noodle, I tried again without. I did it! But this time I discovered another problem. I'd tense part way through and despite the blubber in my behind, my back end would drop and I'd be dragging it with my arms through the water. A great waste of energy I must say. I thought I was imagining this until a woman coaching a team watched me do a lap and tactfully asked how long I'd been swimming. She smiled and then gave me a few helpful tips about pushing my face and shoulders down into the water which would raise my rear end. I did this and came up sputtering ... to much akin to the panic trigger. I went back to using the noodle again in the hopes of my body slowly acclimating to the idea of keeping my butt up!

It's working .... at least I think so. No one has really watched me do a lap yet, but I can make it there and back without sounding like I have emphysema so I must be doing it better, or stronger or have better lung capacity or all of the above. I have also acquired a few items along the way - goggles, swim cap and a racer back swimsuit. I must admit I feel rather intimidated donning all these items, it makes me look like I know what I'm doing when I'm sure I resemble a cat trying to take a bath rather than a fish at sea. But it's helped and slowly I'm getting so I rather enjoy the water.


I LOVE the goggles and it help to alleviate some of the fear I was having. The swimsuit leaves me feeling incredibly exposed and indecent because the back is SO low, but my arms and body move more freely. Hopefully the cap will save my one vanity and my hair won't be a frizzy mess by the time this is all done.

So all this leads to my latest and craziest project. I've decided I'd like to participate in a sprint triathlon. It may not seem it but it was incredibly hard to write that. It took me many weeks before I could even tell someone and has a lot to do with the fear of failure made public. But hey, I also have the chance of success made public so that is that! I've been mulling it over in my mind for a few months now and I'm aiming to do the triathlon in the Tempe Town lakes over the mother's day weekend. That give me a few months to get over my water issues (I will be swimming in water 15-16 feet deep) and hopefully get a bike to ride. I owe my inspirations to Maria Bingham who planted the idea of a triathlon and to Amy Tenny and Kassie Kelly who showed me that a busy mom can do such a thing. So thanks to you gals for your amazing examples. Heres to taking fears and making them stepping stones! (or cliffs to jump off of depending on how you look at it!)

The Elusive Balance

Sometimes as a mother, with my endless list of 'to-do's I lose sight of what will mean the most in the end. I rush my kids from one errand to another and worse yet, get testy in the process. This results in a grouch girl and a boy who sighs with great exasperation, "Oooookay Mama." I may achieve a lot but no one is really happy in the end. Daily I'd strive for balance and find myself praying for something to help me.

All I can say is to be careful what you pray for, because the Lord certainly hears it! With Kent gone on another scout camp out, I was stressed with all the things needing to be done. Then the car broke down and repairs were going to require several days. The idea of being trapped at home for days without my husband and 2 active children was a nightmare to say the least. But here I was, and what could I honestly do about it?

So I slowed down physically and began racking my brain for creative ways to keep my son occupied. We finally settled down to put together some drawers for my Ikea bookshelf. This was daunting to me, being as mechanically impaired as I am, and doing it with a little boy at my side asking a BAZILLION questions was challenging. But we managed really well (after much fervent prayer!) and it became fun. It was much like a surgeon and a surgeon's assistant, he'd count screws for me, pass me the needed tool, look at the directions and point to the appropriate holes. An hour latter we were both elated with the results - he, because he 'built' something (like Bob the Builder) and I, because I built something AND IT WORKED! and I didn't kill my son in the process. I'm sure the task could have taken me only 20 mins or so, but the extra time was worth it. It was a balance of sorts, goal achieved and a happy child. It was so much fun we did another one that afternoon. Now if I could do this with everything else!

Nearly a Year

When I have some extra time free, from little clambering bodies or endless demands, I like to sit and look through my old posts. I realized the other day that I'm not as frequent and regular about my posts. Sadly, I also take fewer pictures now than I use too and "Mommy-guilt" settles in that I'm not recording the moments of my daughters life as well as I would like. I suppose that's the trade off, being the guinea-pig child for high strung parents or having a little less ceremony but alot more sanity as a second child!



I can't believe it's been nearly a year since Keila was born. Just yesterday she began a proper knee crawl and with that added height she's begun to pull herself up on furniture. I love that she plays peek-a-boo and more than that, she understand games. She snatched a paper out of my hand the other day and teasingly I snatched it back. Pretty soon, between burst of giggles, she had a tug-of-war going with her winning when she finally head-butted me.

For her young age, she seems a bit of a clothes horse to me. She loves taking her outfits and rubbing it to her face and trying to put it on. It fascinates me that she takes such an interests and even show some favoritism for colors such as green. It certainly doesn't come from me (who hasn't a sense/care for fashion since high school) but it is obvious that my days of dressing her as I choose will be at an end soon I'm afraid.

She still adores Isaac but like me, is rather sensitive. I've watched moments when she tries to 'snuggle' up to him and is rebuff how hurt she is as she immediately pops her fingers into her mouth to soothe herself. She loves being held close and can still sit for an hour or two in your lap contently so long as she has your attention for most of that time. It's been sweet to have such a cuddle-bug and often helps to remind me to slow time and just be in the moment.

Music seems to keep her happy and a few weeks ago Isaac and I were making up a silly song about Keila-kalick-ka-lu-lu that has somehow stuck. In 3 weeks she will be a year old. How quickly time has passed with our Lu-Lu Love!

Celebrate!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear Meeeee! Happy birthday to me! :0)

It was a wonderful day today with more hoopla than I'm accustom to but I learning to enjoy it. Keila thought to wish me a happy birthday first by waking at 5 am and refusing to go back to sleep. ;0) Kent and Isaac brought me a homemade card accompanied by 'tong-tong' (chocolate and Swedish fish .... definitely a toddler's gift!) a few hours later. The kiddos and I then went to the water park for a few hours of fun. I loved watching their interactions!

Kent came home with roses, a romantic way to start an evening and we went for dinner at the Melting Pot. For those who've never gone, it's an experience and their 'Big Night Out' dinners are changed every 6 months and never featured again. I love indulging in the cheese and chocolate ... pure gluttony at it's finest!

I thought the evening was complete but came home to find an Coldstone ice cream cake with candles and a group of close friends hiding to yell and enthusiastic 'surprise'. It was a wonderful day and at the end of it I jokingly asked Kent how he planned on topping it next year. He smiled and said, "Maybe we ought to go for a week cruise!" At this rate I can't wait until I'm 50! ;0)

Deep Waters

Growing up I had reoccurring nightmares of various things. As a child it was of drowning and as I got older it became car crashes. Needless to say it wasn't until I was 20/21 that I finally got my drivers license. As for the swimming ... in college I perfected swimming on my back. So long as my face wasn't in the water I didn't panic. I especially hated the idea of being in water too deep for me to stand.

One of my roommates my freshman year thought to help me by taking me swimming in the evenings several times a week. We moved gradually to where I could swim on my back in the diving tank with a little apprehension, but not enough to hyper ventilate. One night, she she'd deemed that I had sufficiently gotten over a fear of deep water, she thought she'd try something known as 'shock therapy'. She pushed me down in the diving tank with her hands and then stepped down on my shoulders. I went down far enough to see the observation window and panicking, I kicked myself up. My lungs were ready to burst when I felt her grab my hands and yank me up. She then said she hope I could see that it wasn't so bad and after I had caught my breath she did it again for a total of 3 times. As much as I love her, I never got in the diving tank again with her and I never quite found words to express to her my feelings about the experience! ;0)

This summer and opportunity came up for me to receive private swim lessons with a young lady in our ward who had plenty of experience teaching all levels - including paranoid, hydrophobic adults like me! I had to take it up, it was time. Besides, how in the world was I to explain to my son the need for him to learn how to swim without doing it by example.

Thanks to Amber I can proudly state that I can swim freestyle across the pool and even into the deep end! In some aspects it was easier than I thought it would be and in others, a thousand times harder by producing triggers I never knew were there. Though battered and worn, I'm am still swimming and even slightly enjoying it! Dory's mantra couldn't be better, "Just keep swimming!". I did, now I can, and I do!