So today was one of those days .... we rushed off first thing for an appointment for Bug to check her vision. We had confirmed the need for vision therapy, something not covered by insurance so my mind is swimming with the calculated costs and further strain on our busy schedule. We were off to a small Valentines party where I ran after Bubby, dealt with a moody boy and never ate lunch. We came home and in the five minutes I was putting Pumpkin down Bubby got a chair, a bread knife and hooked it onto the box of donuts left from the party and dragged them down. Not liking the texture of the fudge he thought he'd wipe it on the only chair that can't be easily washed. With Pumpkin not sleeping, crazy messy diapers - I was so done for the day so I got some ice cream and locked my bedroom door.
Valentine's Day and I was not feeling the love. I needed space and a moment to breath. Sometimes it's just a prayer and a reminder of what really matters. So after 20 minutes I took a deep breath and went back out to round up the oldest two to help me cook dinner and make our surprise dessert for Kent.
The rest of the evening went well, it was still crazy but somehow I wasn't just worn but back in the small happy moments when things are just right. But I had been ready to quit on the day, have Kent bring pizza, ditch the surprise dessert and cooking with the kids -but I'm glad I didn't.
Balance and motherhood is so elusive. I'm not saying ordering in dinner equates with failure, but I am saying that letting go of what went wrong or the worries I can't do anything about needed to happen before I could go back in and just love. I needed to love me, even if it was just 20 minutes with ice cream, prayer and a browsing a magazine.
So this is a Happy Valentines Day wish to all moms. We do crazy work, nobody in their right mind would chose it even with a decent paycheck! We do work that matters and really does make a difference. And we need to love ourselves a little better - because when we do we can love those that mean the most to us more than we thought possible!
I love these sugar babies, even with all the craziness they bring!