Loss

As some of you may have noticed I'm rather behind on posting this month. Usually I've gotten out 4-5 post by now about the kids and our latest goings-on but I've been in a bit of a funk. I had a miscarriage almost 4 weeks ago and I can't decide if I'm blue or it's just the hormone roller coaster that us women are so prone to.

In reality this was the 'best' miscarriage we've ever had. The other 2 were before Isaac was born and consisted of unstoppable bleeding, rushing into the ER losing all dignity as I gush (physically and emotionally) in public. I was also 3 months along and for whatever reason, the fetus had stopped growing weeks before, but the placenta was proceeding as on schedule. The first time I managed to get myself in a bathroom with a confused toilet. The thing would flush when I sat on it, hence drenching me with all sorts of fluids (what the heck, I'm wet already!) and not do a dang thing when I got up no matter how hard we pushed on the lever. I ended up screaming for Kent to come in since I was too dizzy to safely stand on my on, where he unceremoniously dragged me onto the first available wheelchair. (apparently it was a busy night when we went - or perhaps it's always busy when we seem to go?)Surgeries were required and in one case, I hemorrhaged a few days after, resulting in me being the 'whitest' I've ever been in my life. It took a year to get my hemoglobin levels back up to normal level for us to try again.

This one was a piece of cake in comparison. I was only a few weeks along (3 to be precise) and while the cramping was a little worse, it was a typical cycle. I've tried to understand why it is that it seems so hard to move on and all I think of is that in part because I have nothing to mourn the loss of. Loss in all its many forms is always difficult, but it seems harder when it's not publicly acknowledged. I remember feeling very lonely through the process because i had no one whom I could confide in. (only our bishop and relief society president knew because of the hospital visits)

So I'm taking a page out of my book of hard earned wisdom and simply mentioning it on my blog. If there's anything I've learned these few years is that we're not meant to be alone - God never intended it that way. Comfort comes through sharing burdens and in sharing we're often surprised by what healing can come as well as how much we are not alone. (Can you hear me saying this like a mantra as I hesitate in pushing the publish post button - ever the so private individual!) So forgive me if I've just 'blahhed' too much for you, but it's my cheap form of therapy!

A Small Tribute

When I'm faced with doing something totally out of my element, I tend to need alot of information, encouragement and positive reinforcement. I pick people's brains for every little detail to ensure success. So it was for the sprint triathlon and so it is for home decorating. My problem was that in this case, there was too many differing opinions and never the money to do things by the book. And then I was saved by Shannon.

For those of you who know Shannon, she has this amazing eclectic show home. It's a little like eye candy when you go to her house and I always attributed it to her degree in art. Her never failing reply was that if you saw something you like, just go for it, in the end it would all come together. My instant reply was, "Yah! If you're an art major!" but she insisted it was true. With her gentle prodding and encouragement, not to mention the million and one phone calls about paint, tools, etc and the borrowing of equipment I finally decided to tackle the project of my home. Slowly over the last 2 years our house has become more of a home.

The first was a headboard and foot board for $20 at a garage sale. I posted about it's therapeutic nature in Catharsis through Furniture It was actually proceeded by the change of carpet and painting of wall. Something which I agonized over for weeks!!! I wanted to create a calming room - my little oasis in an otherwise crazy household. Even when I was overwhelmed with all the painting, she took a few days to help me out. This was the results:



Then I tackled Isaac's room. My poor children never get a room made for them until they're about 2 years old. The quirky pictures of signs on the wall were done by Shannon herself to match the construction vehicle quilt I made for Isaac. She did a wonderful job and the dollar store find of the quote "Oh the places you'll go" from Dr Seuss went perfectly. She also gave me the idea of the painted cork board (originally a cabinet door) about Isaac's bed that displays his artwork nicely. I've seen how much he loves having his OWN space and makes playtime in his room a pleasure.




This functional beauty was another one of her ideas. It's a cheap picture frame with a window screen covering a board wrapped in fabric with hooks screwed in. I have my accessories easily available, organize and displayed. I love how easy it is to hook my earrings into the screen. I've kept the leftover fabric from this project and want to make the purple and gold pillows to decorate my bed to match.



Keila's bed frame is the next project I hope to post up soon. It too has the imprint of my dear friend in the antique feel of the paint. Here is a small glimpse of what I hope to finish in the next few days.



So this is a small tribute to a good friend. It took a LONG time for me to really believe what she said about decorating but I have never regretting it. Most of all, her encouragement helped me learn to trust myself a little more and in the end I see the beauty of that result reflected in me and my surroundings. So here's to a dear friend who knew me better than I knew myself!

Mission Accomplished!

So rarely do I take up a project and finish it in a few days that it is cause for celebration when I do. This particular project was rather urgent. You see my swimsuit of 2 years fell apart, quite literally and thankfully it wasn't in public. Isaac and Keila have weekly swim classes so it was urgent that I find one quickly. Unfortunately this had to occur when the cost of swimsuits is at it's peak and the idea of plopping down $30-40 for just something to cover me was appalling. (note: these prices reflect ON SALE items!) Kent suggested that if I wanted something cute, why not spend a little more. So one of our date nights we went out looking, only to find a 'little more' was around the range of $60-80. Obviously not something a 'cheap Asian' would go for. So I was about to settle for the less than mediocre when I just chanced one morning to head to the mall and browse. There it was, something in my size, somewhat modest and oh my gosh ... is this for real!! .... $9.99!!!! I must be out of my mind! (Anyone remember that commercial? or am I just dating myself)

While still reeling from the effects of such an amazing deal, I began toying with the idea of changing it up a little. For one, my tiny Asian shoulders are horrid for holding up swimsuit straps so a halter top or one with a crisscross works much better. Then there's the fact I like the ones with skirts .... so that afternoon and the morning of the following day I turned this ....



Into to this. It's now a halter top (note to self to cut the ribbons down a little) with a mini skirt that will ensure my 'rounder/older' self is a little more covered. The best part is that I can go about without being uncomfortable.




On closer inspection of the price tag, the original price was $101.00 and the logo I had hitherto missed says it's a Tommy Hilfiger swimsuit. I have a feeling someone made a mistake when they marked it down. What would pass for a prom dress in high school is now a modest sailor-ish swimsuit for a mom with kids. Mission accomplished and more that that - I am officially cute!

Summertime Fun

It's funny how having kids makes holidays ever so much more fun. Kent took July 4th off and got together with some good friends for a massive feast - grilled hot dogs, ribs, salads, pies, fruit, etc. It was a little frightening how much we ate, but hey, how better to celebrate life and our many freedoms. Kent and I bought a small cotton candy machine on a whim that makes cotton candy out of hard candies. We had tons of fun testing out all sorts of flavors (Werthers, root beer candies, peppermints, cinnamon, butterscotch, etc) I have a feeling that this will used for our Sunday treats/ Family Home Evening events. It was as much fun spinning it out as it was eating it.



Unfortunately later that evening our out of town neighbor's dog, Nala was spooked by fireworks and got her foot stuck inside the door. All her chewing to get herself free only ripped out a canine. She was a bit of a mess and we were lucky that the neighbors across the street heard her and managed (by some miracle) to find us so we could take her in to be seen. Thankfully she was fine, no broken bones and in her old age, the canine was no big loss.

It was a nice excuse for us to get together again, this time with more friends, to have a small party. The kids had a blast playing in the pool, we ate much too much again and celebrated the 40th birthday of a member of the company. There is much to be said for some good old summertime fun!




Thanks to the use of our neighbor's pool, Isaac has overcome much of his fears of swimming. Can't you just see the rush of adrenaline and the half smile that says, "Woohoo! I'm totally doing this!" I'm so proud of him and his hard work that didn't let his fears stop him from being better.



Rockin' in a choppy sea of bodies!



There was a quick outdoor shower for some of the kids, Isaac ran when the cold water hit! Thanks Dana for all the fun!