Saturday, August 21, 2010

Split Personalities?

Sometimes I think having children has created multiple personalities in me. For example, a few months back I began considering signing Isaac up at a preschool. He knows his uppercase and lowercase letters, sounds for many letters, loves to rhyme words and knows his numbers 1-12 and sometimes up to 20. He's a bright kid, VERY active and bounces off the walls unless occupied with something interesting. At that time I had an overriding anxiety to just get him out of my hair ... keeping him occupied while caring for Keila and the home was going to be the death of me. So "off to preschool" it was! Based on a friend's recommendation, we found a great one that would allow watch Keila while I volunteer in Isaac's classroom once a week. I was elated, relieved and content.

But these last few days I've grown rather melancholy and 'mommy-guilt' is setting in. "... you don't appreciate this little time you have with him ... he's growing up too fast and putting him into preschool doesn't help..." I try and reason with myself - usually in my head, but occasionally out loud (more evidence that I'm going crazy?!) - this will be good for him socially, he needs an outlet and the challenge of making new friends, etc. But the moments I see him sitting quietly or napping I see clearly that the little baby boy has disappeared and I wish badly I could turn back time.

Then something happens and I'm back to the 'Boy-Will-I-Be-Glad-When-THIS-Stage-is-Over' mood. Seriously - either I'm having major mood swings or split personalities. I have a sinking feeling that I might be this way the rest of my life! Is this just me?!

The truth is though that Isaac has grow a great deal though. His doctor's appointment had his way above average in height and at 40 inches tall and average in weight at 36lbs. He shows his growing maturity in how he helps out with Keila and , does his 'chores' (putting away the clean utensils) while telling me he's "working hard". He continues to be bright and imaginative. The following is a picture of him working on a giant cake for Keila's birthday in the form of pillows and blankets. He even made up his own birthday song for her.

He longs in so many ways to grow up and be like his Baba. He talks about going to school and to work with a great deal of pride. But as the days shorten to when he'll really be in school, I'm sensing as much apprehension from him as I'm experiencing. Maybe he's inherited a split personality from me too!

1 comment:

  1. Im struggling withe the same issue. Part of me just wants them with me all the time and part of me wants them having great experiences with kids their age and theres always the guilt of feeling like I need a break for me. It is really tough. Koa starts headstart tomorrow...I decided to give it a try but I might back out!!