Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Confession of a Mother

Confession time: I've been a little off my rocker lately. Evidence: shortness of temper, a strong urge to close myself in a closet and scream or the odd moment when I feel like my head is about to pop - just like a bubble. (I can visualize it, the tiniest pinprick and the 'pop' sound as bits of me spatter into oblivion) I suppose it was obvious to some that it was coming. It's been over 4 years and the longest break I've had to just be me, myself and I was for 4 hours which was almost always while I was attending the temple. It's a good place to be, for sure, but not always the top in therapy for a strung out mother. The 'mommy guilt' in me wasn't about to admit it, but thankfully Kent saw the signs and thought a break completely away from everything would be preventative from a total breakdown when #3 came. So he send me a way with one of my very best friends for almost 4 days and 3 nights in San Diego. (much cheaper alternative to therapy! - and more fun too!)

I worried a little about going. Too many voices saying,"What kind of mother abandons her children?" to "Kent is going to totally spoil and ruin them for me while I'm gone". But reasoning of friends and the silent desperate need to be away ruled over these things. Once I had gotten Isaac off to preschool and Keila to a friend to babysit, I was relieved to see these thoughts melt away.

The view from our hotel looking down on Seaport Village.

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the farmer's market!

We found the Mormon Battalion museum where we caught a little bit from conference and learned a lot about the Lord's hand in guiding this small group of pioneers. It was a really well done museum, I'd recommend to anyone in the Old Town area.

Seaside walks on Coronado

There were festivals everywhere we went. I had to take this picture that reminded me achingly of my own little ones and how much they would have enjoyed the trip.

The restaurant we had our last meal in to end the trip.

It still took a bit for me to adjust. You know, that little phantom voice I kept checking for in the backseat, or the hesitancy I felt in entering a shop full of delicate items all in reach of chubby hands - but I'm proud to say I overcame it and had a WONDERFUL time. Of course the company was top notch - sympathetic enough so I knew I wasn't totally psycho and while being a gentle reminder that motherhood has taught and given me more than I imagined life had to offer. It was good to cry, laugh and just be still for a while. The pictures may not say much, but it was a wonderful few days. I came back refreshed and felt of the 'real me' as I lovely reached out to children who missed me ever so much. So a heartfelt thank you to my husband for his wisdom in giving me this treat and for friends who make these miracle moments possible. The rocker has found it's groove again!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Flo,

    so happy to hear you had a great trip. I was talking to Da about the same thing - taking a break! I am sure Da will not "send me out" like Kent did. but you totally desire a break. Miss you and hope to see you someday too =) love, Abbey